Not much news to report from the world of bargain buys today, but I do have another exciting update on the jeggings front.

I don’t think this picture needs a whole lot of introduction, so I won’t ruin the moment with lots of words. But let me just say one thing: you know how I said yesterday that large prints tend to be flattering? These jeggings have proved me wrong.

If you have rocks in your head and actually want to buy a pair, they’re reduced (I’M SHOCKED!) TO US$16.85 at ASOS. They were originally US$50.54 (again, SHOCKED).

By Caroline Warnes

The last thing I want to do is to alarm anyone first thing on a Monday morning, but I have some bad news to share: harem pants are apparently making a comeback.

Actually, a harem pant revival was first brought to my attention several months ago, but I chose to ignore it. However now that it’s being reported on major news sites, it’s fair to assume there is going to be no escaping them this spring.

Harem pants - the kind with a low-hanging crotch that make you look as if you’ve had an accident in your pants - were last in vogue in the late 1980s, when they were sported by timeless fashion icons such as MC Hammer.

And I believe that’s where they should stay - in the 1980s - however many local Australian designers seem to think otherwise. Example: the Nathan Smith harem pants pictured here, which will set you back a cool $120 at My Catwalk. Bonus: they’re apparently unisex, so fashion-forward couples can sport the incontinent look at the same time.

I know I should be grateful for these relaxed-fit harem pants after the skin-tight leggings epidemic, but I’m not. In fact, it almost makes me nostalgic for leggings. Almost.

Surely there has to be a happy medium somewhere?

By Caroline Warnes

Is the boho look going to have a small resurgence in spring? Some signs point to yes and let me tell you now, I DO NOT LIKE IT!

If there is one fashion trend I hate more than leggings, it would have to be boho dressing. Floating around the countryside dressed like you are some kind of remnant of Woodstock is something that just doesn’t appeal to me.

For the uninitiated, boho dressing is “a style of female fashion drawing on various bohemian and hippie influences”. Ok, you can stop right there. You lost me at the word hippie. Think Sienna Miller and the Olsen Twins five years ago. Think deliberately unpolished and messy.

Of course, I have no problem with casual dressing. I’m all about jeans and t-shirts on the weekend. But I think what really bothers me about boho is the amount of care that obviously goes into looking that dishevelled. Headbands tied around the forehead and crocheted waistcoats arranged just so. It just isn’t right. And while we’re at it, apart from table doilys, what is the point of crocheted anything. It doesn’t cover anything or keep the elements out. It’s full of holes. Duh.

This week’s Best & Less catalogue, “Boho Beautiful”, is entirely devoted to the trend (and in my opinion, the words boho and beautiful are mutually exclusive). I also picked up on boho echoes in the Target catalogue and BIG W catalogue. Please, say it ain’t so!

The one saving grace for me has been the Myer catalogue, giving me hope that it’s not going to be a summer of boho. Give me a little black dress over a crocheted waistcoat anyday.

By Caroline Warnes

Strap yourself in and get ready for the next ride into Wrongtown, because Vibram Five Fingers are here.

According to the Vibram Five Fingers website, these little miracle workers are the best things for your feet since sliced bread. Apparently they stimulate the muscles in your feet and lower legs to improve your balance and agility. I don’t care how comfortable they are, they’re still offensively fug and belong in the same pile as crocs and birkenstocks.

Unless you are some sort of elite athlete, I doubt this footwear is really necessary. And the site even recommends wearing them for “play and fun”. Somehow I don’t think you’d be getting asked out for much “play and fun” if you insist on turning up in your Aquaman footwear all the time.

The site also reckons that Vibram Five Fingers are the “alternative to going barefoot”. Hey, I have an even better alternative to going barefoot: they’re called shoes, and they’re available in most retail stores and charity clothing bins near you!

By Caroline Warnes

Move over Snuggie, for we have a new contender for idiotic fashion item of the year: the Wearable Towel.

Just as I thought humanity couldn’t let me down anymore, I stumbled across this doozy. It’s comforting to know that the lazy and stupid amongst us will still have something to wear once the warmer weather arrives.

What price dignity?

By Caroline Warnes

Only the other day I was attempting to operate a blanket and I managed to get myself into a world of trouble.

I’ve always struggled with blankets, but this episode was a particularly bad one. One minute I was lying on the couch, trying to work out how to unfold the blanket and place it over me, then the next thing I knew I came to and found myself lying on the floor with the blanket beside me. I still have no idea what happened.

So you can only imagine how pleased I was to discover the existence of Snuggie, the world’s first wearable blanket with sleeves. If you haven’t had the pleasure of viewing the infomercial yet, then you can check it out below. But really, there’s not a whole lot more to explain. It’s a blanket with sleeves. They say that the most ingenious inventions are often the simplest ones.

As the ad so eloquently explains: “Blankets are OK, but they can slip and slide. And when you need to reach for something, your hands are trapped inside. The Snuggie keeps you totally warm and gives you the freedom to use your hands. So now, you can work the remote, or read a book.”

Okay then. My question to you, is who exactly are these people who can’t work out how to use a blanket? And why hasn’t natural selection taken care of them yet. Who has ever gotten their hands trapped in a blanket? Why the hell would you fork over $60 of your hard-earned money for what is basically a roll of polar fleece with sleeves attached to it?

Wearing it around the house is one thing, but the ad even suggests you wear the Snuggie outdoors to sporting matches. Wow, that sounds like a great idea. I can’t imagine how sitting in the stands at a footy match dressed like a Druid would cause you any sorts of problems at all.

The epic struggle between man and blanket continues.

By Caroline Warnes

The above headline re: local design duo Sass & Bide may seem a little harsh, but I’m sorry, I simply can’t take the fuggery anymore.

I’ve suffered in silence because of their stupid fashion trend known as Sass & Bide “rats” (as pictured here in the oh-so-appetising bronze colour) for several months, ever since I saw British Jesus impersonator Russell Brand getting around in a pair a while back. This ill-conceived piece of clothing is apparently a wet-look legging that will set you back nearly $200.

I’M SORRY, BUT WHAT? My hatred of leggings is not really any great secret, so it won’t shock anyone to hear that I wouldn’t pay two cents for a pair of leggings of any description, let alone $200. I have better things to spend $200 on. Like, oh I don’t know, ANYTHING.

Who exactly are these people who think this is a good look? And are they aware that I nearly cried when I saw the Sass & Bide zebra rats yesterday?? You should really think twice about wearing a piece of clothing when even David Bowie in his Ziggy Stardust phase would label it “a bit out there”.

But this isn’t just another blog rant about leggings. I checked out some more of the Sass & Bide range on MyCatwalk yesterday and could only conclude that either;

a) I’m not fashion-forward enough and don’t “get” any of it, or
b) It’s all just plain stupid.

Exhibit A: A giant gold cupcake wrapper thingy worn as a skirt.

Exhibit B: A dress so obscenely brief that you would surely get arrested for solicitation if you dared to wear it in public.

Exhibit C: What are the little wings on the side for? To fly away in case you suddenly realise you walked out of the house in this outfit and start dying of embarrassment?

Exhibit D: I’m actually not even sure what this thing is.

That being said, there are a few nice pieces in the collection, such as the gorgeous All Over Again dress. But on the whole, I’m sorry, you’ve lost me.

By Caroline Warnes

Question: what’s better than a t-shirt with one wolf on it? Answer: a t-shirt with three wolves on it, all howling at the moon.

After a particularly hideous week that involved my car’s radiator dying (I only got the stupid car two months ago), torrential rain and wind and other assorted depressing incidents, I was cheered up immensely when my friend Lara emailed me through the link to the Three Wolf Moon t-shirt on Amazon.com.

Well, it’s not so much the Three Wolf Moon t-shirt itself that cheered me, all though it is very stylish. You really have to read the customer reviews of the item.

It appears that this t-shirt has been endowed with all sorts of mystical and supernatural qualities involving vision quests, hallucinations and raw sex appeal.

My favourite customer review?

“For you left brain types out there, who are still unsure on whether or not this shirt would make a wise purchase, allow me to break it down for you.

Most shirts like this only contain one wolf. This shirt has three wolves, plus a moon. You are basically getting three wolves and a moon for the price of one wolf. You won’t find that deal anywhere else.”

Now I want a Three Wolf Moon t-shirt too.

By Caroline Warnes

You may or may not be aware that you no longer need to be a gazillionaire or a dedicated vintage shopper in order to carry a designer handbag or wear designer shoes.

In the last few years a number of online services have popped up that let you hire designer goods for a moderate fee, usually by the month but sometimes also by the week.

The Australian version of this is Love Me and Leave Me, which rents out bags, shoes, jewellery and other accessories from international designers including Chanel, Balenciaga and Christian Louboutin, as well as local designers like Alice McCall and Nicola Finetti.

While I can see the appeal in being able to get the look of a Miu Miu handbag for much less than the $1500+ asking price (how hot is the Miu Miu tote pictured here), I am not entirely sure it’s worth the $100 per week or $200 per month rental fee.

Luxury goods are called luxury goods for a reason: they are a LUXURY. In other words, if you can’t afford it, don’t carry it. There are plenty of decent and affordable handbags around that are a better option for the majority of us.

Having owned a grand total of three designer handbags in my life - a Fendi baguette, Christian Dior saddlebag and Balenciaga city bag - back in the days when I thought such things mattered, I can tell you the real satisfaction in the whole process lies in saving up for weeks then going into the store and walking out knowing that this stupidly overpriced item is now yours forever. Where is the fun in having to return it after a week?

All that being said, I have to say that the thrill of a designer handbag gets old very quickly, and soon it’s just another piece of junk in your wardrobe. I actually gave two of mine away, and now I carry a perfectly nice bag I found for $85 at a generic handbag shop.

While I can see this being a great idea for certain situations - for example, renting a pair of shoes for your wedding - for the most part I think renting a luxury bag online for a week is a little bit bogan.

By Caroline Warnes

With all the controversy surrounding jeggings - leggings for women designed to look like jeans - several weeks ago, I thought I couldn’t be shocked by anything legging-related any more.

Well, I was wrong. Flipping through the Sunday paper yesterday, there was a small article on the “next big thing” in men’s fashion - meggings. Yes, leggings designed for men.

A quick Google search this morning and I found that this alarming trend does seem to be on the boil - at least according to some News.com.au sites. Honestly, I didn’t know whether to laugh, throw up or be angered that someone had stolen my idea to design leggings that look like business pants for men.

Leggings worn as pants on women is bad enough, but it’s ten times worse for men. I’m sorry, but I have no interest in seeing “everything” outlined and on full display. On anyone. No matter how hot they are.

If I see anyone wearing these on the streets of Sydney it is going to be a difficult task to restrain myself from hurling abuse at them.

Bad idea, boys. Bad idea.

By Caroline Warnes